The Art of Seduction
by TymanTB
Summary: Taking place after the Avengers, The Avengers decided to give the one another some advice on how to pick up women, using pick-up lines! May be a one shot, may be more, but read and review! Based on the tumblr, avengerspickuplines.
1. The Adventures of Captain America! 1

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**So, I have a huge English essay due on Monday, and instead of doing it tonight, I decided to go watch the Avengers for the third time, this time with my Dad. I decided since my last two Fics were very dark, I'll try some Comedy this time. Inspired by the tumblr **avengerpickuplines. **And the owner of that. I used this to come up with my Oneshot/list of Oneshots I will call, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

"Come on Steve! You're Captain fricken America for gods sake! If you like the girl, then just go up to her!" Tony exclaimed, irritated.

It had been almost three months since Loki's attack on earth, and five of the six Avengers (Thor was on Asgard) were in a small, upbeat New York Club less than three miles from Stark Tower, which was almost completely rebuilt. Tony thought, in celebration of the rebuilding, the five should go clubbing. Clint and Natasha quickly excepted the invitation, wanted to see how Steve would react in one of the fanciest clubs in New York. Steve and Bruce were more reluctant, and Bruce tried to convince Tony that he would 'Hulk out' if he got to nervous, but Tony wouldn't have it. So here they were, in a crowded club sitting at one of the only tables, trying to convince Steve to talk to the girl he had been staring at the whole night.

"What's the worst that could happen?" Natasha asked helpfully, trying to contain her giggles. The woman Steve had his eye on, was the bartender, who she had bet ten dollars against Clint, was a lesbian. Natasha had spent many years seducing anyone she could to get what she wanted, and her 'gaydar' was razor sharp.

"She could reject me." Steve snapped back, angrily. Which startled Natasha, he hadn't seemed this intense before.

"Listen, Capsicle," Tony said in an attempt to calm the obviously nervous Captain, "How about I give you a pick up line and you say it to her?"

"A, what?" Steve asked, confused.

"A pick up line, It's something guys use to flirt with a girl they like. I've got a really good one, it suits you perfectly." Tony said smiling, writing something on his napkin and handing it to Steve, who reluctantly picked it up and read it, then blushed.

"I can't say that to a dame! It's scandalous!" He said, horrified and almost attacked Clint when he ripped it out of his hands.

"No it's not. This is the calmest thing ever. Say it, it's totally you!" Clint cried excitedly, only wanted this to work so he wouldn't have to give his money to Natasha

"Alright," Steve said reluctantly, and got up walking towards the bar. Then, cleared his throat and called, "Excuse me? Ma'am? I was just wondering, on a scale of one to America, how free are you this week-end?"


	2. The Adventures of Captain America! 2

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**So, I have a huge English essay due on Monday, and instead of doing it tonight, I decided to go watch the Avengers for the third time, this time with my Dad. I decided since my last two Fics were very dark, I'll try some Comedy this time. Inspired by the tumblr **avengerpickuplines. **And the owner of that. I used this to come up with my Oneshot/list of Oneshots I will call, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

It was a week after the clubbing incident. Sadly for Steve, his pick-up line didn't work. Not because it wasn't a good pick-up line, Tony assured Steve when he came back from the bar, but because the girl was a lesbian, and how could they have predicted that? Natasha snickered when Tony said that, and Clint grudgingly handed over her winnings.

"Steve! You've had her eye on her ever since she started working here!" Tony practically screamed in Steves ear, referring to the new intern that had started working at Shield for Banner a month previous. She was young, maybe in her early thirties/late twenties, which golden hair which she kept in a ponytail and big blue eyes which made her look innocent. Everyone knew, except Tony of course, that she loved Captain America almost as much as Phil used to.

"I'm not going to use a, pick-up line! I tried before, remember? Besides, this girl looks way to smart to be seduced by a cheesy joke!" Steve cried out frustrated

Tony knew, that this time his line would work. This time, he had spent days, choosing the best line that would make the girl swoon. He had even gotten Bruce to make sure the kid would be in the lab all day today so the Capsicle could deliver his line.

"I know she's not gay. I know for a fact this will work. Trust me, please?" Tony whined, he was tired of watching Steve mope over Peggy, a women who was probably dead by now.

"Alright, but if this doesn't work, I'm pinning it on you!" Steve shouted loudly before walking down the hall into Banners office. "Bruce? Celia? Is anyone here?" He called loudly

"Hey! What's up?" The cheery blonde replied from behind a desk that was hidden from the doorway.

"Oh, hey. What are you doing?" Steve asked politely from the door

"Just some paperwork Bruce asked me to do, you can come in." Celia chirped happily. Steve almost sighed, she was just so cute. "Do you need anything?" She asked chiperly

"Um, no. I just wanted to tell you, that you're really cute and when I saw you I knew god truly blessed America." Steve stuttered, and flung forward to catch the girl before she hit the ground after fainting.


	3. The Adventures of Iron Man! 1

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**So, I have a huge English essay due on Monday, and instead of doing it tonight, I decided to go watch the Avengers for the third time, this time with my Dad. I decided since my last two Fics were very dark, I'll try some Comedy this time. Inspired by the tumblr **avengerpickuplines. **And the owner of that. I used this to come up with my Oneshot/list of Oneshots I will call, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

It was about eleven o'clock, and Tony was just going to bed after a long day of helping Bruce with his lab, listening to the Captains boring coffee date with Celia the intern, and a lot of other stuff that Tony didn't care about. So when he walked into his room, to find a seemingly very drunk Pepper Pots, he was ecstatic that his boring day might go out with a bang.

"I thought you went home." Tony said, calmly. He had had my share of women to know how to deal with a drunk secretary. Well, not the secretary part, but the drunk, very much so.

"Tony, I, I don't know how to say this, but I need you." Pepper whispered seductively, and stretched out across the bed.

"Listen, Pots, you're drunk and, I couldn't take advantage of my secretary, I-" Tony tried to stammer, knowing he couldn't do anything with Pepper, it would make work to awkward when she fell head over heals in love with him, and his skills.

"No, you listen. I heard from Steve you helped him get a girl using one of your infamous pick up lines." She whispered, before getting up and walking towards Tony, cracked a smile, then went back to a seductive voice. "Tell me one, please?"

Tony looked up, he could have sworn he heard someone laugh, but he didn't hear it again. He looked around his bedroom. It was organised exactly the way he wanted it, the way he made Pepper set it up. The only thing different was that his closet was opened slightly, he hated that. She had never done that before, but this was the first time. He thought about everything she's ever done for him, and surely a little intimate conversation wouldn't change anything.

"You know," Tony said, leading her onto the bed, "The suit isn't the only thing made of iron I have." Tony continued his sexiest voice, and stopped when he heard it again, that deep laughing that sounded like a cough. He got up and looked at the closet, and looked at Pepper again who was trying not to laugh. He walked over to the closet, and swung the door opened and stared at an in hysterics Clint, holding a camera phone, which had recorded the whole thing.


	4. The Adventures of The Hulk! 1

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**So, I finished my English essay (YAY), and I think I'm going to be in contact with the owner of the **avengerpickuplines **tumblr, and you should follow her, if not because it is an amazing blog, than because I steal all the pick up lines I use from her blog. I would have updated yesterday, but it was my B-Day party, and I got a Oujia board, which by the way, actually works and scared the hell out of ****. Anyway, leave a review in the review box, and if you want to suggest an Avenger, put it there. I hope you enjoy **

Bruce was drunk. He rarely ever drank, and when it was, he never drank enough to become even slightly intoxicated, so the fact he was drunk out of his mind confused the hell out of Agent Hill and Natasha who had been sent to check on him. He was in his lab, wobbling around trying not to fall over, all the while screaming that Tony would pay for his indecencies.

"What is he talking about?" Natasha asked Maria quietly, staring from the door.

"I have no idea, but from his ramblings, I'm guessing Stark had something to do with it." Maria replied worriedly, "I'm not sure though if the Hulk can come forward if Bruce is intoxicated."

"I didn't think of that, if he gets loose, he'll destroy the whole ship and without Thor, no one will be able to stop him." Natasha replied quickly and urgently replied.

"I think we should-" Maria started to suggest before being interrupted by Bruce's chipper assistant, Celia.

"What are you guys doing hiding outside the lab? Is something wrong with Bruce?" Celia asked worriedly

"We don't know, I think he's drunk." Natasha stated, "Do you know why, and if the Hulk can surface while he's intoxicated?"

"Oh! That? No, Mr. Stark made a formula for Bruce that could completely stop Bruce from changing for twenty-four hours, the only problem is it will only work if while he takes it his alcohol level is high. He just took it a few minutes ago. I don't think it's a good idea though, because what is the point of getting drunk just to take a stupid pill?" Celia said, talking a mile a minute. Her confidence had boosted extremely high ever since the Captain had asked her out.

"So, he won't hulk out?" Natasha asked, relieved

"No, he won't. The formula is a very powerful sedative that can literally knock out a horse, it will be able to completely stop the process of Hulking out" Celia relied informatively, grinning the whole time.

"That's good. Is it alright to go to talk to him?" Maria asked, hoping that Celia knew what she was talking about, and wasn't just being cocky.

"Ya, but he might say some stuff, you know, because he's drunk." Celia warned before walking into the lab, Maria and Natasha following.

"Hey!" Bruce yelled, slurring slightly, and nearly fell over approaching the girls, "Guess what!"

"What?" The three girls asked in unison

"Chicken butt!" Bruce howled before falling backwards onto his butt, then continued to laugh even harder.

"A few beers, and his IQ is slashed to maybe fifty, interesting." Natasha whispered to Maria, causing a small grin from the agent.

"Maria. Did I ever tell you you're really hot? Like, hotter than the sun." Bruce slurred, causing Maria to blush.

"I think we should leave now." Natasha said, in an attempt not to laugh, Agent Hill's face was priceless.

"I believe so as well, before Bruce says anything else he might regret later." Celia replied quietly, her face as red as a tomato. Natasha knew that her and Steve were both really shy, and probably hadn't even held hands yet.

"Wait! Maria, before you leave, you should know, the other guy isn't the only one that's big!" Bruce called out with a wink.


	5. The Adventures of Captain America! 3

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**Thanks for my three reviews! Happiness fills me like a fountain :D, also thank you to the many people who posted this story as a favourite, because it makes me smiley. On a serious note though, who should I use next? Who is your favourite so far? Do you think I should continue Captain America with my OC? Please read and review..**

After the fiasco with Tony and Pepper, Clint was in for some serious payback, or at least in Tony's eyes he was. Not only had Clint recorded Tony hitting on his assistant Pepper, but he had also had the nerve to send it to every agent working at shield, including Mr. Decency himself, Captain America. Which was why, two weeks later Tony was sitting across the table half-listening to Steve rant about how important it was to treat a woman with respect.

"Females are very delicate, Tony. You can't be referring to your, um, male parts in such a crude manner." Steve nagged him

"Like you haven't with the intern chick? Come on Steve, you're boring her! Women need a man who's exciting! Who will be willing to throw her on the floor and-" Tony yelled angrily

"What did I just say?" Steve cut him off, calmly but obviously embarrassed

"Screw this, I'm out of here." Tony said pushing his chair out and leaving his revenge on Clint.

The next day, Tony watched as Clint walked to the fridge a pulled out his lunch, a turkey sandwich. There were only two things that Clint did everyday at the same time, wake up, and eat his sandwich. A few minutes later, Steve walked over to Clint and started talking, and Tony was waiting for the fun to begin, but it didn't. Could it be possible that Clint was immune to the powerful pill Tony and placed into the two pieces of bread? I wasn't likely. Tony watched as the Captain walked to the fridge to retrieve his own lunch.

Tony waited a few more minutes to see if the drug would kick in, but it didn't. So he got up and walked over to the fridge for his lunch, special ravioli, one of Peppers specialties. As he opened the fridge, he noticed Steve standing awkwardly beside one of the tables, so he called him over.

"Hey, Capsicle! What are you doing?" Tony shouted loudly to the Captain, who looked up quickly and jogged towards Tony.

"Whatcha eating?" Steve said in a singsong voice

"Ravioli, you?" Tony replied, a little wierded out at Steve's cheerfulness.

"Well, Clint traded his lunch with me, so I guess I had a turkey sandwich." Steve sang happily

"You what? Oh god, Steve!" Tony gasped

"Why is your ravioli so special? You never have it, usually just a coffee." Steve said again his singsong voice, "Coffee, Coffee, just only Coffee."

"Pepper made it, listen Steve I think-" Tony tried to warn before getting cut off by what he hoped was only an effect of the drug, and went against his whole lecture Tony had received the day before.

"You know, Tony, the only Pepper you'll remember is the seasoning, after I'm done with you."


	6. The Adventures of Thor! 1

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**Thanks for my nice reviews! Happiness fills me like a fountain :D, also thank you to the many people who posted this story as a favourite, because it makes me smiley. On a serious note though, who should I use next? Who is your favourite so far? Do you think I should continue Captain America with my OC? Please read and review…**

"Pick up line? I understand not the concept of this 'pick up line'. When you use it, do your words lift the woman into the air?" Thor asked dumbly to his fellow Avengers.

"It's simple. You use it to flirt with a woman you think is hot. It works for anyone, even Rogers over here." Clint tried to explain to Thor, causing Steve to blush.

"So, you use it to attract females? Like scent?" Thor asked, causing Tony to smirk.

It was Thor's first visit back from Asgard since Loki's attack, and the Avengers had been filling him in on the teams shenanigans of the past month or two. So far, Thor didn't quite get the concept of pick-up lines, and Tony, Steve, Clint and Natasha were attempting to explain it. The five were in the same bar they had been in when Steve had tried to flirt with the bartender, who was currently eyeing down Natasha.

"So, I just say something seducing, and women throw themselves at me? This seems amusing!" Thor bellowed loudly, "I will attempt it!"

"It doesn't always work, you know. Also, it sucks when Tony drugs you, and-" Steve said trying to dissuade Thor.

"Listen, we don't want to bring up what you said, do we?" Tony shouted angrily, causing the group to begin laughing at the two bickering at one another, so no one noticed when Thor asked Natasha to join him as he tried a pick up line, and they left the table.

The looked around for a girl Thor could try his line on, but so far, they were not having much luck. It seemed Thor had a very specific taste in women, one that none of the woman seemed to fit. Natasha thought all hope was lost when Thor pointed out a short girl with long red hair. She smiled encouragingly and sent him off, making sure to stay within earshot.

"What should I say?" Thor asked, still confused about the whole pickup line topic, causing Natasha to smile and whisper in his ear a line she was sure to work, causing Thor to laugh. As Thor approached the young girl, he sat beside her at the bar, and cleared his throat and gave a hearty laugh and nearly shouted, causing Natasha to flinch.

"Hello fair woman!"

"Are you, Thor?" The woman gasped in excitement, nearly jumping off her seat.

"Baby, when I'm done with you, you'll be the one who is Thor."


	7. The Final Adventure!

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**Hey, sorry I haven't updated, I was getting my computer fixed, and the guy fixing it caught something and was hospitalised, so it was a while before I got it back. I think this will be the last chapter, unless I find a really good line that I can use. So, thank you for reading, and read my other stories **

"What do you want, Stark?" Clint asked, irritated. He knew that Tony had attempted to put him in the same state Steve had been in a few weeks earlier, and had been jumpy around him since.

"I was wondering if you've seen Natasha. I wanted to ask her something." Tony replied, oblivious to Clint's irritation.

"I think she's with Celia and Bruce in the lab. I wouldn't bother her, she's on PMS or something. She freaked out on me when I asked her if she could make me a coffee this morning." Clint advised

In the lab, stood Bruce, Celia and Natasha, who were all tired of the whole pickup line obsession that had started with Tony, Steve and Clint. Since Thor's visit, the three had gone clubbing repeatedly, and Steve watched while the other two would say pickup lines to girls they found attractive, and occasionally they would get Steve drunk enough to say some as well. This had caused Celia to break up with Steve, and Natasha and Clint's friendship to become strained. Bruce was just along for the ride, after he realised that Tony had no pill for him, he just wanted to see him drunk. So here they stood, in the lab, looking at the little capsule Bruce and Celia had made, filled with a special compound that would make anyone who consumed it intoxicated within seconds. The plan was simple. Natasha would call Steve, Clint and Tony into the briefing room, and pour a bit in each of their coffees. Then let the fun begin.

"I kinda miss him. He was so sweet, except when Tony convinced him to use those awful pick up lines. He told me once he was a 97 year old virgin, then asked me to change that. It was disgusting." Celia whispered, staring at the container

"There is no going back now. Director Fury knows about the plan, and encourages it. He thinks anything that will stop these imbeciles is highly encouraged." Natasha explained, grinning.

"Lets do this." Bruce exclaimed, excited.

This is the worst plan, ever! Bruce thought to himself an hour later. He had already been visited by a clearly intoxicated Clint, who told him all about his many sexual experienced with the Black Widow, and about how she was clearly menstruating, as she wouldn't make him a coffee this morning.

The plan was executed well, Natasha had called the three into the conference room, with three coffees waiting for them, and explained how Fury was getting, well furious about the pickup lines. Tony laughed it off, and drank his coffee quickly before getting up and stating it was on there time, so it didn't matter, and he left. That's when the plan went downhill. A few minutes later Steve and Clint left, and they were drunk. While Natasha kept tabs on them, she couldn't find Stark. Nobody could find Stark, and an intoxicated Tony could be very dangerous.

It was Pepper who had found Tony. He was in his bedroom, only god knows how he got there unnoticed, and he was laying down, completely naked under a bed sheet. She new she should call security, as she had been warned about is intoxicated state, but she didn't want her boss to be angry with her for getting him taken away by security naked.

"Tony?" Pepper called to him

"Pepper! Just in time, I have a special request, it's very important." Tony said in a high voice.

"Yes, Tony?" Pepper asked, preparing to do anything to get him clothed

"Can I have some Pepper on my sausage, please?"

Steve was in the lunch room, wandering around, when he noticed Celia watching him. He ran over to her and yelled, in a to loud voice.

"Celia, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Steve, you're drunk. Stop talking to me." She replied bitterly and turned away, but he grabbed her shoulders.

"No! I don't want to lose you. I care about you to much, and, I would totally fondue you!" He laughed loudly, causing her to pull away and run off.

The only Avenger left was Mr. Barton himself, who was perched in the rafters of the lunch room, watching Steve and Celia, then saw Natasha talking to Bruce outside the Lab. He smiled to himself as he whispered quietly while grinning.

"Ahh, Natasha. How I would love to put my arrow in your quiver again."

"Director, do you really think this is a good idea?" Agent Hill asked Fury while watching the security camera footage. "I don't think intoxicating the Avengers was an amazing idea from Agent Romanoff."

"It's alright, she had good intentions." Nick replied, he knew she always knew what was going to happen, she probably already had a plan ready. How did he know this? Well , he did have his eye on her after all.

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I tried to put as many lines in this one as possible, I hope you guys liked my story, I might add more, but don't expect more, I just might add more if I find a really good line. Thank you for reading, please review so I can make future stories better, and read my other stories. Have a wonderful day,**

**~TymanTB**


	8. I Lied! The Adventures Of Loki! 1

**, The Art Of Seduction (Avengers Style)**

**Hey, I was reading my old stories, and I came across this one again. In honesty, this and 'A Date With A Psychologist' are my two favourites that I've written. I might restart this fic, but everyone should submit their pick-up lines to ** .com **so I have more to pick from. Also, while you're at it, follow my blog ** .com** If you have any suggestions, review and put them in. So, since I have a huge science project due tomorrow, I present to you, the newest instalment of The Art Of Seduction.**

It had been almost five months since The Avengers had had their little, "pick-up line fiasco", as Tony had begun to call it, and all had become almost normal again. Fury had banned the use of pick-up lines in the building, and if anyone used one, they would be fired immediately. This was fine with everyone, especially Steve, who was the only one who originally detested the use of them, and had lost his first girlfriend with them.

Speaking of Celia, she no longer worked at SHIELD, but was close friends with Natasha and Maria, and the three constantly went out together. The three rarely went out with the males in the Avengers team outside work, with the exception of Bruce, who found it less stressful with the girls than the guys.

Finally, we are catching up with Thor and Loki. Thor hadn't been back to earth since he had used his pick-up line, so he was completely unaware of what had happened. On Asgard though, he used the pick-up lines continuously, and the women always fell for it. Loki, however, was in punishment, but he heard of these pick-up lines, as once a month Thor was aloud to visit him, and tell him the news of Asgard. Thor had also begun giving Loki pick-up lines he could possibly use if he were to meet a woman whom he liked. This, was quite possible since Odin had decided that Loki (stripped of his powers, of course) had to visit Earth (under the watch of Thor) and apologize to Shield, and possibly fulfill an earth punishment.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What do you mean, Loki is coming back!" Clint shouted angrily. The Avengers were all in the conference room, and Nick Fury was informing them on the latest news of Loki.

"I mean, is that the council has desired to have Loki imprisoned on earth, and Asgard has agreed. He will stay in confinement until we decide if It is safe to keep him imprisoned on earth, where he will be sent to a-" Fury attempted to re-explain, before Tony cut him off,

"If he doesn't have magic, how bad can it be? And Goldilocks will be watching over him, so what could possibly go wrong?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nothing did go wrong, for a few days at least. Loki sat In confinement, only getting contact from anyone while receiving meals or being taken to use the washroom. It had been three days without an incident, so Natasha was sent down to speak with Loki.

"Ahh, Agent Romanoff, how are you today?"

"Fine. Where did you get the idea of taking of earth." Natasha answered, wasting no time.

"It was my idea, I-" He began

"No, it wasn't. Where did you hear of the tesseract." Natasha continued, giving Loki rapid fire questions.

"I, I, I knew of it. That is all." Loki stuttered, unsure of how to answer.

"Why did you take over earth?" Natasha snapped, wanting answers, and fast. She didn't want to be near the trickster god as much as anyone else, but she had tricked him before, and Fury believed she could again.

"I do what I want!" Loki shouted back, angrily, and then brought his voice to a seductive whisper, "And at this time, that is you."


End file.
